this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
