Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Boobs speak an international language.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The air taste purple.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
