Don't you send me to vm
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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