So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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