The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
