Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
