it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
