Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
