plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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