Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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