I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize