he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
