It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
