I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
