i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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