Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize