My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
