gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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