New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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