im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
