I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You made out with two different species that night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
