It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
