So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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