Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
