Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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