dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
only if we run a train.
done.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
