Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I will die if light touches me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
