The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
