I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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