His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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