he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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