she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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