More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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