Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
