so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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