i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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