you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
