u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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