Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
