Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
