I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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