on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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