Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
