kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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