I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the condom got lost in my hair
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
