3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize