I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
