sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
