It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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