what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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