I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
