im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
