We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
