i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
