Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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