Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
