I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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