dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize