at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
