I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
