so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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