hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
