I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
