Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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