Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
