I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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