The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
