He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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