I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
