Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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