So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
