nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
