The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
