dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
