Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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