so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
