Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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