I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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