Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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