omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize