how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
