Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize