There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
