I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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