just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
