Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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