I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
