Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The dick lei will go down in squad history
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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