It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
