I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
