is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
