I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
