apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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