I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize