dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
