You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
