Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
