I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
