I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You took a bar mat shot.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
