Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
