I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
