Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
