I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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