I haven't been this sober since birth.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
