Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
