Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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