The maid of honor just puked.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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