who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I see more hoeing in ur future
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
